Thursday, August 17, 2006

Communication and Gender Issues

Sometimes, i think we really cannot fully understand each other's gender. Like man can never comprehend women, and women will always think that man are insensitive.

Even with enforced stressing on the issues of communication, a couple might still somehow or another keep things to themselves, without the proper mode of relaying information to each other. This might in the end generate some unnecessary misunderstands leading to a break up or other undesired effects like a tight slap. Ha!

Being a teen, and one which his teens are coming to an end pretty soon. I advise others to think about how much your truly understand the other gender. Even right now as you might read this in your head, and you already do notice that you REALLY do not know much about others, i am not asking you to become a homo or something which might be rejected by society. Each sex are engineered differently either by the wonders of evolution or being crafted uniquely by the artisitic hands of god. It makes perfect sense of not knowing the opposite gender well.

So, what can you do about it ?

Nothing much really, as the saying goes, experience is the best teacher. Experience the feel of a solid tight slap across the face, feel the pain rushing into your head and know the reason behind this action. Know how does it feel getting dumped by your lurvy durvy guy on the street on Orchard road.

For guys, try your best to understand and give way to ladies, well, ladies first ! And for girls, we guys are indeed"+no doubt+stamp" insensitive but that is what we are. Learn to communicate through various means. Emails, handwritten letter, MSN chat, emotions actions or even through the NDP monitor screen... the list is endless. Never give up a chance for a happy future if you think you can handle it now, even if you think that 1 person might not be the one. Try your best and optimism is key, do not let that effort go to waste unless there is absolutely no BRIGHT future for you. Humans are selfish by nature, Ghandis and Mother Teresas don't pop by everyday.

Everyone needs to be loved and love. The hormones rage within us. Its time to act, and then re-act. Do what you think is right for you do not regret such actions in the future. Think for yourself, its for the BEST.

Regards and with love for all,

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Environmental effects on Teenagers' relationships.

The following is an observation i had in my home country Singapore.

Other than the relentless violence the dull grey box(ranging from 17'' to 40'' plasma screens) shows up as light particles that your brain interprets as a cool Jackie Chan kung fu action flick, which i think is too, it provides some other sort if influence to us.

The media mainly shapes the way on how we see life and think. Take beauty for example, what is beauty ? A slender long haired brunette with mascara and high heels ? Or a fat stumpy freckled face female midget ? Are bigger the better ? Or being so called a "washboard" a blessing in disguise ? You know the answer in your heart. The media does really shape how we look at things. Pity.

Honestly, if the world were to encounter a nuclear winter, and the global technology goes back to the 19th century where steam engines run amok and screens that shoot out light a fairly ridiculous idea, i think, the society would be much much different.

We grow up(we refers to teenagers like myself.) in the late 80s and early 90s, enjoy life as it is and take things for granted, things like the TV. Yes. The television is integral to our lives now, it is part of lives and our culture. Sometimes, we can't even eat without eating in front of the tele. Meet the 21st century teens.

Can anyone remember teletubies ? How about shows that are more well known like say, Sesame street ? Ring a bell ? I watched them when i was young. Everyone had a TV at home. To be exact, each household in Singapore had an average of 1.3 televisions per family. That's 13 televisions in 10 families. Ah, the wonders of industrialisation.

Back then, during my parent's time during the 60s and 70s, coloured television was considered one of the coolest thing since man landed on the moon. Even more, homes that had a television along with a subscription were considered wealthy. People were struggling to survive then, most of the poor work from 5am in the morning to the wee hours at night. Watching television then was like going to Kyoto Japan for a 1 month holiday now. Everyone had to depend on newspapers, or worse off, their neighbours for the latest news of the happenings around the world.

Luckily for my mom, her family was wealthy enough to buy a car, and of course luxuries like the television. She told me she saw a lot of things on the black and white screen that she would never encounter in her life before, things like wrestling(yes, hard to believe), talk shows between angmohs(Caucasians) and sports like soccer and cricket. What she thought was interesting was how the westerners lived, go bowling every Wednesday night, pubs and discos, and of course scenes in soap operas featuring teens dating out. A rare sight in the rural south east Asian societies. People were mainly trying to secure a home and work for their meals then.

Back to the present. Its different now right ? Much different.

You go to the movies, catch a Hollywood blockbuster and you see actors, barely the age of 20 kissing and hugging on the big big screen. At home, the dreaded plastic box presents to you images of your prime time 7pm drama. And as far as drama is concerned, teenage love content would most probably draw in a better viewer reception, thus more gains from advertising during the running of the show.

Take a walk down your town/city/country's busiest and most popular mall. Sit down at a junction or if you want, stand at the corner of an entrance. Count, just count the number of young couples whom you think is below 20 holding hands walking around in the mall. Sometimes, the number you get is astounding, considering the fact that most teens are still studying and not working compared to the number of dating tax payers.

Peer pressure exist within all of us, well unless you ain't got no friends which is highly unlikely. Trends spread like wildfire in school. Once you see a couple in school, slowly, you will see more and then it grows like an exponential graph. Then something inside you grows. Curiosity, interest and then jealousy, makes you want to get "attached" too right ? Media also plays a part in this area. Look at the TV, it starts it master plan to psycho a child's mind since man landed on the moon.

A good example is that teenagers, and even some adults in fact, think that a break up or a simple divorce could solve the problems encountered in love and relationships. This sort of logic and mindset had been instilled mainly due to the drama serials on TV, where the unhappy housewife discovers her husband's affair and goes half demanding half crying "I want a divorce." The most affected audience of such irresponsible presentation are the little kids. However, it is still the sole duty and responsibility of parents to guide their young. Maybe the television that we buy from our electronics mart should come tagged with the big red "PG"(parental guidance) on it, just like the movies.

Well, the point is, do not let the surroundings easily influence your thinking. Yes, this may be a part of the tedious process called "Growing Up" but its good to know if you have yet to realise this yet. The media might not be right for all things, except for the news which is informative. Subjects such as relationships, love, and things of sort should be discussed or be inquired from qualified personnel like parents or your teacher maybe.

My couch potato friend votes the television as the top 5 inventions of mankind. For me, it would be the bottom 5.

I miss the radio days.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Advantages of Being in a Relationship

A relationship on its own is a complex matter, now to sub-categorize them into advantages and disadvantages is very subjective, so whatever is written here would be based on my own opinion.

Rather than pointing out advantages of a relationship, which may just sound like me encouraging more teens to get into a relationship because of all the ‘good times’ you might experience. I hope you understand that personally I think that a relationship should not be for fun and should be treated seriously. Your mind set should be thinking that your getting into a relationship because you’ve met this special someone who makes you well, feel good about yourself and about them, and that you want to get closer to that person beyond the level of friendship.

A relationship is not just connecting on a physical level, that would just be meaningless and wont last long. Yes-yes, to a certain point it is and that emotionally and physically feelings should be balanced. But when you and your partner come to a point when after just liking each other you begin to feel and care for each other that you can never do for anyone else, than will you understand just how much that person means to you. A feeling like that can never be replaced by just physical looks or anything else like that.

Even in a relationship, you will not only begin to understand the other person better but you will also begin to understand yourself, and all the little habits that might annoy the other person, or make them happy. The longer you’re with each other, the more you begin to adapt to each other and this doesn’t just happen immediately, it takes time for something like this to happen. The person also becomes someone you can really confide in, but don’t forget about your friends around you though. They are important too!

There is so much more besides this of course, it may be the little gestures that you do for each other that makes your relationship special. Or the encouragements that you give to cheer each other up. Through a relationship, you begin to grow more mature (hopefully) at handling issues, be it good or bad. Yes, a relationship sure makes you feel good, but unfortunately don’t expect all relationships to go well, even if it isn’t your first, the right relationship depending on the individual takes time.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

What is a relationship ? Deeeep.

One day, during the festive season, you go out to orchard road to shop, take a walk and look at the beautiful festivities going on around town. As you walk alone, you notice many youngins ' or rather teenagers with another of their partner, holding hands, laughing and smiling at each other. Some of them might even brush across your shoulders without a single word of apology, as they are trapped in their own world of jolly.

Later on, at takashimaya at the toys department, you see a boy, assuming from his height and looks, probably just graduated from primary school, looking at the trendiest stuff in town. He picks up a burby doll and tried to find the price tag. "Crap, too expensive." And he puts it down.
The boy is later approached by a girl, "Hey dear, lets go." She tugs his elbow with her hand and her fist swiftly sweeps nicely into the boy's palm. As they disappear into the distance, you notice how short they are, and the looks of others around them staring at those two, their guesses as good as yours.

That might probably a common sight nowadays. Oh gee. Society.

You then ask yourself, what the heck is going on with those two, what is their relationship ?

Friends or, BGR ? Oh my.

Those two kids probably are just playing around, spending time as if time would wait for them forever. Enjoying life, together with someone you really care for after you know them for so many years, or someone you just met last night at the costume party somewhere at geylang. Is this a part of a relationship no matter what forms it gets ?

You know someone, you get to know them better through time, you develop feelings for them, and things happen. You can be a 39 unmarried teacher, going on a 17 year old PhD student from some prestigious college in America. Or a devoted catholic single mum developing taboo and forbidden feelings for the holy Pope in Rome. This sudden burst of strong uncontrolled feelings brings about a chain of fortunate events or if things take a wrong turn, disaster.

It is humans instinct and nature to reproduce. Yes, you heard me, reproduction. Many things are happening in the human body from young to death. We got puberty, the metamorphosis of good cells into the bad cancer cells we know about, and aging which sucks with age. Sometimes, people think they get into a relationship, they think its love. However in the biological context and approach, what in the farmer's name is love ?

"Attraction starts with a chemical reaction caused by the release of pheromones and the activation of the nose's active sites to it, thus the body then fools itself into justifying this attraction by giving all sorts of reasons, like love." - a reliable source.

Sad but true. Reality is indeed cruel to us.

Back to relationships. If i may, i would say a start of a relationship is the is caused by attraction, as stated above. Every body's definition of a relationship is different. Its true really. Let me give you an example. At age 10 and below(rough estimation thank you), you see your mommy and daddy kiss, get intimate, but then you do not know words and meanings like intimate and stuff. However, you do know they are living together and are in love, a relationship.

As you grow, now and then mommy gets the neighbour to babysit you while your parents go out for a hot date after work. The babysitter leaves you in front of the TV with the dastardly remote while he or she goes read some paparazzi magazine. Then, slowly and surely, the TV corrupts your young little mind, as if part of a grand global plan to take over the world, it infuses you with needless information from soap operas and from the 7pm prime time dramas. Such information, includes the script writer's perspective of love and these ideas became apparent truths and corrupts your interpretation of love. Smooching, kissing, hugging. Its all on TV. Ah, the remote. The wonders and pitfalls of technology.

Still reading ? Good. Apologies to my group members.

You grow older, you can tell who is handsome, cute, pretty, attractive. You go to school, you meet new people and friends. On Sundays, you go to church, same thing happens, interaction with society. Here again, during your teens, your perspective and understanding of a relationship changes again. You learn what is intimacy. The boiling youth blood fuels your brain, making it tick. During then, you may think, getting into a relationship is being and getting intimate with the opposite gender. To *cough* experience new stuff and explore the unknown. Sometimes, you tell yourself, i need a boy/girlfriend. Oh no.

During adulthood(this i not very sure. i am only a little boy), you start to think clearer of what is going on with your life. Your goals in life and the meaning of life which is obviously not 42 if you did watch hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. You laugh back at your teens and childhood, thinking how immature you were back then. And you thought you would be young forever and here you are toiling your life away trying to gather as much red and blue paper as possible, and maybe pay your insurance. You get stressed up from all the mindless gathering, thinking how in the farmer's name would you be able to retire peacefully, and pocket full. You wanted someone to talk to, you need someone to hug you and tell you, everything is ok. You need to get into a relationship too, a form of commitment and sometimes enjoyment.

Later in life, you see your neighbour's little kids dirtying your wall beside your door thinking it was drawing block. You get fed up, scold the kids, their parents noticing the din rushed out and apologise. They tell you "Ah bringing up kids are really a headache, but its all in a days' life. We are happy we got this kids. They colour our lives." You smile back, trying to convince yourself its OK spending half a day trying to get the crayon stain away. The happy family then, happily goes back into their house and mind their business. You stare at the formless and unrecognisable graffiti on the wall, "Ah, kids, how nice." And reality cruelly hits you in the head, "Crap i am single. I need to get into a relationship."

There are other interpretations to a relationship. It might be a mutual sort of understanding and care for each other. A one night stand when you are down. Or a relationship can be treated as a restricted marriage, where *cough* some stuff you cannot do.

For me, i think we should all think of a relationship as a form of commitment for your partner, in addition in mind, this relationship will ultimately lead to coolest form of commitment on earth, called marriage. During a relationship, these "couples" should try to ask themselves, are we willing to spend the rest of our lives with the one i am seeing right now ? Yes, through a relationship, even though you won't know the answer at first, it will lead you to the answer. This is what i think a relationship and how it should be. It should start off happy, and end happy. And later in the future, die happy and satisfied.

To end this post, i would like to say : Let the hormones roar!

Guys, what's you take on a relationship then ?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Teenagers. Who are they ?

Being a teenager in my teens, i feel teenagers do really need to get a grasp of their lives. Thank goodness, as i had read somewhere on the net, we humans only get to have 7 years to spend in our teenage lives.

Teenagers during their secondary school is their golden time in their lives. They meet good friends who will stick to them, well probably for life. It is a period of time for them to meet new people, know how people function in a community and of course, to learn new stuff. Be it textbook knowlege and lifeskills.

I believe there is no other period than during their studying years to do this. When you go into society to work, things get very professional and work based. As i heard from my parents, its difficult to find your type of bossom friend, one who can be by your side during the tough times. In society, its a world for themselves. Money makes the world go round, it ticks the world. In work, friends come and go, often we regard these people as colleagues. Are there any other periods in time when we can find our true friends ? I believe, only during our study period, then we are able to meet these people.

Teenagers, most probably are still studying in school. They are people like myself, struggling hard to juggle time for school work, play and family. It is the transitional period for us to turn from child to adult. It is also a time where they express themselves more verbally and visually which they would be heavily influenced by their surroundings, parents, friends and the media.

These seven years of teen, is especially a very delicate period of time which would determine the form they will be when they become adults. This period shapes them. We are like a mould of a artist during the hardening process, where the artist would spent his time doing the final touch ups to his piece of work. And most likely, once hardened, it would be difficult to change the designs.

I sometimes ask myself, will i miss my teens when i grow up ? What do you think ?

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Love sucks. Women cheat your money. They don't love you. They love whats in your pocket.
Bill gates is the sexiest man on earth. Why ? Because his pocket is damn deep.

Damn, i want my pocket to be deep.

Who agrees ?

Yuan Kai is joking by the way. No offence.